每周牦牛：第一周课程版

新学年的第一周已经结束，我非常荣幸地继续阅读赢得了两位忠实读者尊敬的系列文章：《牦牛周刊》。

The first week of a new academic year is complete, and it is with the utmost honor that I continue the series that garnered the reverence of two loyal readers: The Weekly Yak. Whether you’re new to TU — in which case, welcome — or are trying to commit to your “New Year, New Me” outlook on the school year by reading something other than your enemies-to-lovers, self-insert fanfic with a character that you should really stop idolizing, there’s something here for everyone.

新学年的第一周已经结束，我非常荣幸地继续阅读赢得了两位忠实读者尊敬的系列文章：《牦牛周刊》。无论你是《TU》的新手——在这种情况下，欢迎——还是试图通过阅读除从敌人到恋人、自我插入的同人小说之外的其他内容来致力于你的“新年，新我”对学年的展望。你真的不应该再崇拜这个角色，这里有适合每个人的东西。

If you are unfamiliar with The Weekly Yak, allow me to fill my word count quota by describing this creation fueled by my love for connection and storytelling, which are two sides of the coin called Hot Gossip. Every week I spend about 10 minutes writing an article bashing the school and others, oftentimes with words that aren’t even mine! Freshmen, definitely use my articles as ways to learn how to not plagiarize, and your professors will shake your hand… From between the bars of your jail cell. If you’re wondering how you too can join the community of slander, you can’t. You can only join Yik Yak once you send me $10, your social security number and your mother’s maiden name. I take Cash App.

如果您不熟悉《每周牦牛》，请允许我通过描述这个由我对联系和讲故事的热爱推动的创作来填补我的字数配额，这是硬币的两个面，称为“热门八卦”。每周我都会花大约 10 分钟写一篇攻击学校和其他人的文章，而且常常用的词甚至不是我的！新生，一定要使用我的文章作为学习如何不抄袭的方法，并且您的教授会在牢房的栅栏之间与您握手。如果你想知道如何才能加入诽谤社区，那你就不能。只有向我发送 10 美元、您的社会安全号码和您母亲的婚前姓名后，您才能加入 Yik Yak。我使用现金应用程序。

To cut myself off there, I present the top 10 Yik Yak posts from the first week of classes. As always, we refrain from reusing posts that were posted in previous weeks and those in which graphics provide the majority of the context for the posts:

为了打断自己的话，我展示了第一周课程中排名前 10 的 Yik Yak 帖子。与往常一样，我们不会重复使用前几周发布的帖子以及那些图形提供帖子大部分背景的帖子：

“Can we all just make a universal pact that as long as they aren’t smelly, we just ignore the fact that everyone is sweating their balls off once they get to class” – Tulsa

“我们能不能达成一个普遍协议，只要它们不臭，我们就忽略这样一个事实，即每个人一到课堂就汗流浃背”——塔尔萨

“Dear freshmen, Please remember the following: – shower – don’t seek out ways to cheat, seek ways to understand, a 50 is better than a 0. You will perform badly in a class. Happens to everyone – work with your peers this is your future networking system.” – Tulsa

“亲爱的新生，请记住以下几点： – 洗澡 – 不要寻找作弊的方法，寻找理解的方法，50 分比 0 好。你在课堂上会表现得很差。每个人都会遇到这样的情况——与你的同事一起工作，这就是你未来的网络系统。” – 塔尔萨

“Is pike like the gay frat?” – Tulsa

“派克像同性恋兄弟会吗？” – 塔尔萨

“The frats throwing frisbees at the activities fair is so pitch perfect” – Tulsa

“兄弟会在活动博览会上扔飞盘真是太完美了”——塔尔萨

“GOOD MORNING ALL YOU ACADEMIC WEAPONS, WE MADE IT THRU THE FIRST WEEK (bicep emoji x3) TU WON LAST NIGHT (football emoji x2) (confetti popper emoji x2) THREE DAY WEEKEND. IT DONT MATTER WHERE WE ARE ALL AT, AS LONG AS WE’RE DOING OUR BEST!!! BE BOLD THIS WEEKEND, TALK YO THAT PERSON YOUR CRUSHING ON” – ifarded

“早上好，各位学术武器，我们度过了第一周（二头肌表情符号 x3）昨晚赢得了（足球表情符号 x2）（五彩纸屑波普尔表情符号 x2）三天周末。只要我们尽力而为，我们在哪里并不重要！这个周末大胆一点，和你暗恋的人谈谈”——ifarded

“For a second I got scared Pike was gonna leave out their gym highlights for this years rush video (fearful emoji) thank god they added it towards the end” – Tulsa

“有一瞬间，我害怕派克会在今年的高峰视频中省略他们的健身房亮点（可怕的表情符号）感谢上帝，他们在最后添加了它” - 塔尔萨

“Can everyone text Braddy daddy to cancel Thursday night classes this week so that everyone can attend the first game? Pls and thx” – Tulsa

“大家可以给布拉迪爸爸发短信取消这周周四晚上的课程，这样大家就可以参加第一场比赛了吗？请谢谢”——塔尔萨

“I wish everyone a good first day for tomorrow’s classes” – Tulsa

“我祝大家明天的课程第一天愉快” – 塔尔萨

“Pro tip: if you can, try to be born into generational wealth” – Tulsa

“专业提示：如果可以的话，尝试出生在世代财富中”——塔尔萨

“Let’s get all the frat guys together and see who can resist making out with each other first” – Tulsa

“让我们把所有的兄弟会成员聚集在一起，看看谁能忍住先亲热”——塔尔萨

Since I’m feeling very optimistic about the onset of the semester so far (or maybe it’s the caffeine overdose I’m pushing) I’ll also be sharing my personal favorites from the week. It’s a good time to start farming Yakarma for almost no social benefit except being banned from all frat parties, because the only thing they know besides how to make ice sink in drinks is that Yik Yak is a breeding ground for frat-boy defamation.

由于到目前为止我对新学期的开始感到非常乐观（或者可能是我过量服用咖啡因），我还将分享本周我个人最喜欢的东西。现在是开始种植 Yakarma 的好时机，除了被禁止参加所有兄弟会聚会之外，几乎没有任何社会利益，因为除了如何在饮料中制作冰块之外，他们唯一知道的是 Yik Yak 是兄弟会男孩诽谤的滋生地。

“I get the most upvotes anytime that I spread misinformation. Expect some more soon.” – Tulsa

“每当我传播错误信息时，我都会得到最多的支持。期待很快会有更多。” – 塔尔萨

“Born to crash out. Forced to be a civilized human being.” – Tulsa

“生来就是为了崩溃。被迫成为一个文明人。” – 塔尔萨

“When you realize that someone has found your top secret go-to bathroom on campus” – Tulsa

“当你意识到有人在校园里找到了你的绝密去洗手间时”——塔尔萨

“Why chic filla screaming out orders instead of names. I dont need everyone to know my back is big (exasperated moaning emoji)” – Tulsa

“为什么时髦的菲拉尖叫着命令而不是名字。我不需要每个人都知道我的背很大（愤怒的呻吟表情）”——塔尔萨

“If I randomly start failing mid semester it’s because of the long term exposure to mold (smug cat emoji)” – Tulsa

“如果我在学期中期随机开始失败，那是因为长期接触霉菌（自鸣得意的猫表情符号）” – 塔尔萨

Do you want your Yaks to be featured next week on The Collegian? Be funny. Make Hannah laugh. That rarely happens. Free Palestine.

您希望您的牦牛下周出现在《The Collegian》节目中吗？有趣一点。让汉娜笑起来。这种情况很少发生。自由的巴勒斯坦。