唯一的出路就是繼續

我參加過的最好的音樂會是我上週末參加的。我記得房間裡的味道就像紙板一樣新鮮，儘管我只是液體死亡，但我感覺像風箏一樣高

The best concert I ever went to was last weekend. The room tasted as fresh as cardboard, and although I was only one Liquid Death in, I felt as high as a kite (Liquid Death is mountain water, by the way, and no, I was not doing drugs).

我參加過的最好的音樂會是上週末。房間裡的味道就像紙板一樣新鮮，雖然我只喝了一種液體死亡，但我感覺像風箏一樣高（順便說一句，液體死亡是山水，不，我沒有吸毒）。

I was seeing COIN at the Byline Bank Aragon Ballroom (if you don’t know COIN, then you’re not cool, and you should probably change that, and if you do know COIN, then I guess I love you forever).

我在 Byline Bank Aragon 宴會廳看到了 COIN（如果你不知道 COIN，那麼你就不酷，你可能應該改變這一點，如果你確實知道 COIN，那麼我想我永遠愛你）。

I’m not claiming to know how we’re supposed to feel in this life, but perhaps I’d like to feel more like that again — dancing next to one of my best friends, knowing every word to every song, feeling weightless in the middle of the Aragon ballroom, bonding with Ashley and Emily (these random girls I swear I’ll never see again) and feeling myself sink into songs I knew only from tinny plastic earbuds.

我並不是說我知道我們在這一生中應該有什麼感覺，但也許我想再次有這樣的感覺——和我最好的朋友一起跳舞，熟悉每首歌的每一個字，在音樂中感覺失重。中。

Yeah, sure, that’s heaven.

是的，當然，那是天堂。

Yeah, sure, that’s weightlessness. That’s life. That’s our only choice.

是的，當然，這就是失重。這就是生活。這是我們唯一的選擇。

We left the venue after the concert and stepped into the night, wondering where it would take us. To a cocktail bar. To a bar bar. To a dirty martini (hopefully). To a friend. To Amelia’s family home in the suburbs.

音樂會結束後，我們離開會場，走進夜色，想知道它會帶我們去哪裡。去一家雞尾酒吧。去酒吧吧。喝一杯髒馬丁尼（希望如此）。給朋友。前往阿米莉亞位於郊區的家。

There were so many choices to make that night in Chicago after the COIN concert. So many choices we could make with our freedom, so many forks in the road, such as: Do I order the cocktail called the “Pick-Me” because the name is funny, or do I order the dirty martini because I’ve been thinking about dirty martinis all week? Do we go to Halligans now or in 15 minutes? Do we leave at 1 a.m. or 2 a.m.? Will that guy named Jasper who said he’d order us two Mich Ultras actually order us two Mich Ultras? Was he lying to us? I could’ve sworn he said he’d buy us two Mich Ultras. Fine, I guess I’ll buy us two Mich Ultras.

COIN 音樂會結束後的那一晚，芝加哥有很多選擇。我們可以自由地做出很多選擇，路上有很多岔路口，例如：我應該點一杯名為“Pick-Me”的雞尾酒，因為這個名字很有趣，還是點一杯骯髒的馬提尼，因為我已經整個星期都在想著骯髒的馬丁尼？我們現在去哈里根還是 15 分鐘後去？我們是凌晨 1 點還是 2 點出發？那個叫賈斯珀的傢伙說他會為我們訂購兩輛 Mich Ultras，他真的會為我們訂購兩輛 Mich Ultras 嗎？他是在騙我們嗎？我可以發誓他說他會買兩輛 Mich Ultras 給我們。好吧，我想我會買兩輛 Mich Ultras 給我們。

These days the burden of freedom has been the theme of my life. Being in control of my next move has never felt so terrifying, and knowing I can maybe, possibly afford a plane ticket to Italy if I just move some money around is even more terrifying (also knowing I can maybe, possibly order a drink called the “Pick-Me” is just hilarious).

這些天，自由的負擔一直是我生活的主題。控制我的下一步行動從未讓我感到如此可怕，而且知道如果我只是轉移一些錢，我也許可以買一張飛往意大利的機票，這更可怕（也知道我也許可以點一杯名為“ “選我」真是太搞笑了）。

What on earth do we do with all this freedom? Certainly we don’t listen to guys named Jasper who say they’ll buy us two Mich Ultras within two minutes of knowing us. We also probably don’t book flights to Italy because that’s probably irresponsible.

我們到底要用這些自由做什麼呢？當然，我們不會聽那些叫賈斯珀的傢伙說，他們會在認識我們後兩分鐘內為我們買兩輛 Mich Ultras。我們也可能不會預訂飛往義大利的航班，因為這可能是不負責任的。

But even in the midst of all this choice, I keep trying to tell myself that the only way in this life is forward. The only way is through.

但即使在所有這些選擇中，我仍然試著告訴自己，此生唯一的出路就是前進。唯一的辦法就是通過。

“The only thing to do is simply continue.”

“唯一能做的就是繼續。”

That’s a line from Frank O’Hara. He says, “The only thing to do is simply continue / is that simple / yes, it is simple because it is the only thing to do / can you do it.”

這是弗蘭克·奧哈拉的一句話。他說，“唯一要做的就是繼續/就這麼簡單/是的，這很簡單，因為這是唯一要做的/你能做到嗎。”

I’m not saying this is the antidote to feeling stuck or uncertain; I’m just saying it’s simple.

我並不是說這是解決困境或不確定感的解藥；我只是說這是一種解藥。我只是說這很簡單。

Aedan told me something similar several months ago when I was moping about a guy I sorta kinda dumped (or maybe we both dumped each other, it’s still somewhat unclear). I told Aedan I was worried I made the wrong decision.

幾個月前，當我為一個被我甩掉的人感到悶悶不樂時，艾丹告訴了我類似的事情（或者也許我們都互相甩了對方，目前還不清楚）。我告訴 Aedan 我擔心自己做了錯誤的決定。

Aedan told me, simply, that decisions are only decisions. There’s usually not one definite right way or wrong way. You just keep going.

艾丹簡單地告訴我，決定只是決定。通常沒有明確的正確方法或錯誤方法。你就繼續吧。

Maybe Aedan and Frank O’Hara should meet sometime for coffee (if Frank O’Hara were still alive). Maybe Aedan is the reincarnation of Frank O’Hara, just a lot less poetic.

也許艾丹和弗蘭克·奧哈拉應該找個時間見面喝杯咖啡（如果弗蘭克·奧哈拉還活著的話）。也許艾丹是法蘭克‧奧哈拉的轉世，只是少了很多詩意。

Maybe the weightlessness I found in the Aragon Ballroom listening to COIN is something I can harness here too, back in Notre Dame, Indiana where I feel so stuck and stunted sometimes.

也許我在阿拉貢宴會廳聽 COIN 時發現的失重感也可以在這裡利用，回到印第安納州聖母院，在那裡我有時感到如此卡住和發育不良。

Maybe our weightlessness is found in this choice, our only choice, to simply continue. To hit forks in the road and know that the only path is forward. The only path is to meet more Ashleys and Emilys at concerts (girls you swear you’ll never see again). The only path is to dance in more rooms that taste like cardboard and take more chances.

也許我們的失重就是在這個選擇中找到的，我們唯一的選擇，只是簡單地繼續下去。遇到岔路口時，要知道唯一的道路就是前進。唯一的方法是在音樂會上認識更多的阿什利和艾米麗（你發誓再也見不到的女孩）。唯一的途徑是在更多嘗起來像紙板的房間裡跳舞並抓住更多機會。

Yeah, sure, that’s heaven.

是的，當然，那是天堂。

Yeah, sure, that’s weightlessness. That’s life. That’s our only choice.

是的，當然，這就是失重。這就是生活。這是我們唯一的選擇。

Kate Casper is a senior at Notre Dame studying English with minors in Digital Marketing and Italian. She strives to be the best waste of your time. You can contact her at kcasper@nd.edu.

凱特·卡斯珀 (Kate Casper) 是聖母大學的大四學生，主修英語，輔修數位行銷和義大利語。她努力成為最能浪費你時間的人。您可以透過 kcasper@nd.edu 聯繫她。