唯一的出路就是继续

我参加过的最好的音乐会是我上周末参加的。我记得房间里的味道就像纸板一样新鲜，尽管我只是液体死亡，但我感觉像风筝一样高

The best concert I ever went to was last weekend. The room tasted as fresh as cardboard, and although I was only one Liquid Death in, I felt as high as a kite (Liquid Death is mountain water, by the way, and no, I was not doing drugs).

我参加过的最好的音乐会是上周末。房间里的味道就像纸板一样新鲜，虽然我只喝了一种液体死亡，但我感觉像风筝一样高（顺便说一句，液体死亡是山水，不，我没有吸毒）。

I was seeing COIN at the Byline Bank Aragon Ballroom (if you don’t know COIN, then you’re not cool, and you should probably change that, and if you do know COIN, then I guess I love you forever).

我在 Byline Bank Aragon 宴会厅看到了 COIN（如果你不知道 COIN，那么你就不酷，你可能应该改变这一点，如果你确实知道 COIN，那么我想我永远爱你）。

I’m not claiming to know how we’re supposed to feel in this life, but perhaps I’d like to feel more like that again — dancing next to one of my best friends, knowing every word to every song, feeling weightless in the middle of the Aragon ballroom, bonding with Ashley and Emily (these random girls I swear I’ll never see again) and feeling myself sink into songs I knew only from tinny plastic earbuds.

我并不是说我知道我们在这一生中应该有什么感觉，但也许我想再次有这样的感觉——和我最好的朋友一起跳舞，熟悉每首歌的每一个字，在音乐中感觉失重。在阿拉贡舞厅的中央，与阿什利和艾米丽（我发誓我再也见不到这些随意的女孩）建立了亲密的关系，感觉自己沉浸在我只能通过细小的塑料耳塞知道的歌曲中。

Yeah, sure, that’s heaven.

是的，当然，那是天堂。

Yeah, sure, that’s weightlessness. That’s life. That’s our only choice.

是的，当然，这就是失重。这就是生活。这是我们唯一的选择。

We left the venue after the concert and stepped into the night, wondering where it would take us. To a cocktail bar. To a bar bar. To a dirty martini (hopefully). To a friend. To Amelia’s family home in the suburbs.

音乐会结束后，我们离开会场，走进夜色，想知道它会带我们去哪里。去一家鸡尾酒吧。去酒吧吧。喝一杯脏马提尼（希望如此）。给朋友。前往阿米莉亚位于郊区的家。

There were so many choices to make that night in Chicago after the COIN concert. So many choices we could make with our freedom, so many forks in the road, such as: Do I order the cocktail called the “Pick-Me” because the name is funny, or do I order the dirty martini because I’ve been thinking about dirty martinis all week? Do we go to Halligans now or in 15 minutes? Do we leave at 1 a.m. or 2 a.m.? Will that guy named Jasper who said he’d order us two Mich Ultras actually order us two Mich Ultras? Was he lying to us? I could’ve sworn he said he’d buy us two Mich Ultras. Fine, I guess I’ll buy us two Mich Ultras.

COIN 音乐会结束后的那晚，芝加哥有很多选择。我们可以自由地做出很多选择，路上有很多岔路口，比如：我应该点一杯名为“Pick-Me”的鸡尾酒，因为这个名字很有趣，还是点一杯肮脏的马提尼，因为我已经整个星期都在想肮脏的马提尼酒？我们现在去哈里根还是 15 分钟后去？我们是凌晨 1 点还是 2 点出发？那个叫贾斯珀的家伙说他会为我们订购两辆 Mich Ultras，他真的会为我们订购两辆 Mich Ultras 吗？他是在骗我们吗？我可以发誓他说他会给我们买两辆 Mich Ultras。好吧，我想我会给我们买两辆 Mich Ultras。

These days the burden of freedom has been the theme of my life. Being in control of my next move has never felt so terrifying, and knowing I can maybe, possibly afford a plane ticket to Italy if I just move some money around is even more terrifying (also knowing I can maybe, possibly order a drink called the “Pick-Me” is just hilarious).

这些天，自由的负担一直是我生活的主题。控制我的下一步行动从未让我感到如此可怕，而且知道如果我只是转移一些钱，我也许可以买一张飞往意大利的机票，这更可怕（也知道我也许可以点一杯名为“ “选我”真是太搞笑了）。

What on earth do we do with all this freedom? Certainly we don’t listen to guys named Jasper who say they’ll buy us two Mich Ultras within two minutes of knowing us. We also probably don’t book flights to Italy because that’s probably irresponsible.

我们到底用这些自由做什么呢？当然，我们不会听那些叫贾斯珀的家伙说，他们会在认识我们后两分钟内给我们买两辆 Mich Ultras。我们也可能不会预订飞往意大利的航班，因为这可能是不负责任的。

But even in the midst of all this choice, I keep trying to tell myself that the only way in this life is forward. The only way is through.

但即使在所有这些选择中，我仍然试图告诉自己，此生唯一的出路就是前进。唯一的办法就是通过。

“The only thing to do is simply continue.”

“唯一能做的就是继续。”

That’s a line from Frank O’Hara. He says, “The only thing to do is simply continue / is that simple / yes, it is simple because it is the only thing to do / can you do it.”

这是弗兰克·奥哈拉的一句话。他说，“唯一要做的就是继续/就这么简单/是的，这很简单，因为这是唯一要做的/你能做到吗。”

I’m not saying this is the antidote to feeling stuck or uncertain; I’m just saying it’s simple.

我并不是说这是解决困境或不确定感的解药；我只是说这是一种解药。我只是说这很简单。

Aedan told me something similar several months ago when I was moping about a guy I sorta kinda dumped (or maybe we both dumped each other, it’s still somewhat unclear). I told Aedan I was worried I made the wrong decision.

几个月前，当我为一个被我甩掉的人感到闷闷不乐时，艾丹告诉了我类似的事情（或者也许我们都互相甩了对方，目前还不清楚）。我告诉 Aedan 我担心自己做了错误的决定。

Aedan told me, simply, that decisions are only decisions. There’s usually not one definite right way or wrong way. You just keep going.

艾丹简单地告诉我，决定只是决定。通常没有一种明确的正确方法或错误方法。你就继续吧。

Maybe Aedan and Frank O’Hara should meet sometime for coffee (if Frank O’Hara were still alive). Maybe Aedan is the reincarnation of Frank O’Hara, just a lot less poetic.

也许艾丹和弗兰克·奥哈拉应该找个时间见面喝杯咖啡（如果弗兰克·奥哈拉还活着的话）。也许艾丹是弗兰克·奥哈拉的转世，只是少了很多诗意。

Maybe the weightlessness I found in the Aragon Ballroom listening to COIN is something I can harness here too, back in Notre Dame, Indiana where I feel so stuck and stunted sometimes.

也许我在阿拉贡宴会厅听 COIN 时发现的失重感也可以在这里利用，回到印第安纳州圣母院，在那里我有时感到如此卡住和发育不良。

Maybe our weightlessness is found in this choice, our only choice, to simply continue. To hit forks in the road and know that the only path is forward. The only path is to meet more Ashleys and Emilys at concerts (girls you swear you’ll never see again). The only path is to dance in more rooms that taste like cardboard and take more chances.

也许我们的失重就是在这个选择中找到的，我们唯一的选择，只是简单地继续下去。遇到岔路口时，要知道唯一的道路是前进。唯一的途径是在音乐会上认识更多的阿什利和艾米丽（你发誓再也见不到的女孩）。唯一的途径是在更多尝起来像纸板的房间里跳舞并抓住更多机会。

Yeah, sure, that’s heaven.

是的，当然，那是天堂。

Yeah, sure, that’s weightlessness. That’s life. That’s our only choice.

是的，当然，这就是失重。这就是生活。这是我们唯一的选择。

Kate Casper is a senior at Notre Dame studying English with minors in Digital Marketing and Italian. She strives to be the best waste of your time. You can contact her at kcasper@nd.edu.

凯特·卡斯帕 (Kate Casper) 是圣母大学的一名大四学生，主修英语，辅修数字营销和意大利语。她努力成为最能浪费你时间的人。您可以通过 kcasper@nd.edu 联系她。