Drag Me Under by Sleep Token (Lyric Video)

I hate changes Changes hurt Changes take away the old things that used to be enjoyable for all ages to enjoy I hated the fact that the fandom that got me into the fandom started to be 18 plus becuase some mature things and i hated it. I even hated the fact that one of my favorite Yotubers that got me in the fandom in 2021 Stormi decided to switch her audiences from SFW (all ages) to 18+ I was hurt when her streams are 18+ becuase she used to be clean and funny but now she's like saying some adult swim stuf and saying bad words and I felt betrayed. And yes I did see her new video and it broke me completely like I was sad, depressed and betrayed. I was scared to follow the 18+ rule becuase i pretended that it was made for all ages when it's not. I started attacking people, stalking people and giving people anxiety and stress becuase it wasn't fair when it's made for adult and not for people under 18 or 17. Like could i just make amends and let them forgive me for my mistakes and move on or should i let the people drag me under to the surface and end it all with one option to end the suffering: suicide? Am i a monster or am I misunderstood